im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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