you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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