In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
