I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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