Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
