Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
we're so committed to being not committed
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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