Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you will always have a special place in my vag
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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