4 words: hood of his car
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
