Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We got so high we made milksteak
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
