Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
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