Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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