I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
