i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
