In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i think i just lost a toe
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
