She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
