Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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