Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
