yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
