no, he came in my armpit
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
