You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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