i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
