Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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