I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
