Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Randomize
