I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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