Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
