Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
