I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
