Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you didnt know i had herpes?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
