The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
