I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
