i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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