Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
