this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You are a genius and a whore.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
