wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
