So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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