You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
