I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
