the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
