i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
