woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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