i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
