Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
