I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
