omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I party with great urgency now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
