She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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