Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
