let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
