tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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