My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
