i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
