Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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