I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
